come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
