Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you would pick up someone in the library
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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