I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
my poor anus
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
