What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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