If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
