just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
