No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
