I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
