4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
