After last night, I could never be a politician.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
