if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
