Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
