I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
