Is it normal to miss your booty call?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
