My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
