I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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