bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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