Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
