does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
