According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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