he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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