wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
