I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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