i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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