tonight lets celebrate not being married
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
