Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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