At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
