I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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