This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
