I just made out with a guy for $7.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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