pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
