I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
