i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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