He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
