Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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