I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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