You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Randomize
