My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
