I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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