Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
