If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
