i used baking grease as lip gloss
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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