Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
