How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize