There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize