Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
