Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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