i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
