Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
