i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
