whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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