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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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