just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
