I wish I could teleport
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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