Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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