i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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