Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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