What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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