Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
