i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
