I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
