i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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