i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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