it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
