Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
