Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
